Phyleccia Reed Cole was 40 years old when she met her biological mother for the first time at a Chicago hotel in 2009.
She was nervous, of course, but also emboldened by the fact that her mother wanted to meet her, too. They had recently reconnected through Brightpoint, then known as Children’s Home & Aid, which led to them writing letters to each other and talking on the phone.
“It was kind of weird to meet my mother for the first time like that,” said Cole, 56. “But I felt good about it, you know? And I just felt blessed because I know that’s not how it has to go.”
Today, Cole is vice chair of Brightpoint’s Southern regional advisory board. Her journey to serving the mission began in a roundabout way on April 17, 1969, the day that she was born at Booth Memorial Hospital – a Salvation Army hospital on Chicago’s Northwest Side that closed in 1984 – and given up for adoption through Children’s Home & Aid.
At the time, her teenage mother was still a high school student.
From that day, Cole has proceeded to have a full and remarkable life. Just three months old, she was adopted by Harrison and Willie Bea Reed of Alton, Illinois. Growing up, she spent a significant amount of time at the estate of Phyllis Schlafly, the prominent conservative activist for whom her mother worked (more on that later).
As a young woman, she moved to New York to earn a master’s degree in social work before returning to the St. Louis Metro East region, where she later studied law. Since then, she’s gotten married, raised her two sons and stepson, cared for her aging adoptive parents and survived stage 4 cancer.
Today, she’s an attorney who serves as senior system counsel for Southern Illinois University. She lives in Swansea, Illinois, with her husband, Brian Cole.
Her family, meanwhile, has continued to grow.
The following interview has been edited for length and clarity
Q: How and when did you learn you were adopted?
My adoptive parents never told me. They never confirmed it, even when I asked directly.
I suspected it as a teenager after learning my mother had a hysterectomy before I was born. It was finally confirmed when I was about 18 and saw a note in my medical chart stating I was adopted.
Later, I was living in New York and my wallet was stolen and my Social Security card was stolen. I went to the Social Security office to get a new card and I could see the screen and there was another name on the screen – my number but it had another name, my birth name.
Even then, my parents would not discuss it.
Q: Did you start your own investigation at that point?
I tried briefly in the late 1980s while in college, but Illinois law made it difficult to obtain meaningful records. I basically just let it go for quite a number of years, probably decades.
I had my first son in 1994, went to graduate school and law school, built two different careers (in social work and law) and cared for my aging parents. I simply didn’t have the capacity to pursue it. I just put it on the backburner and didn’t focus on it until years later.
Q: What was your childhood like in Alton?
My parents were older and they basically raised me as an only child. My father retired on disability from Laclede Steel, and my mother worked more than 35 years for Phyllis Schlafly, helping raise her six children.
I spent summers at the Schlafly home, stuffing envelopes for Eagle Forum and doing small jobs. They were very kind to me, and I’m still in touch with some of the children today.
Politically, I’m not aligned with them but I definitely feel fortunate to have known them and to have had them in my life. I do think that it afforded some opportunities for me that I might not have had otherwise. Growing up around lawyers influenced my decision to pursue law.
Q: Were you close with your parents? Were they loving and supportive?
Yes, definitely, in the way they knew how to be. They were born in the 1920s and weren’t emotionally expressive.
We didn’t have deep conversations about feelings, but I never doubted that they loved me. They treated me as their daughter from day one.
Q: What changed in 2009 when you decided to try to find your birth family?
I felt ready. My own life had become more stable, and I just felt it was something I wanted to pursue. Illinois law had changed, and I was able to obtain more information. Hospital records led me back to Children’s Home & Aid, where a social worker facilitated contact with my birth mother. Thankfully, she was open to meeting.
And then we went through the process. They had us write letters and send them to Children’s Home & Aid to the social worker, then she forwarded them on. We did that a couple of times before we were able to write each other directly.
It’s been a blessing to reconnect with my birth mother. She has two younger children, in their late 30s and early 40s now, and it is great to know them and have relationships with two younger brothers.
Q: How did you reconnect with your birth father?
After being diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in 2014 and breast cancer in 2016, I wanted my medical history. That prompted me to finally reach out.
He was very open to a relationship, and getting to know that side of my family has been wonderful. He passed away recently, but I’m grateful for the time we had. Learning about my family’s cancer history has also been important for my sons.
Q: How are you doing now health-wise?
I’ve been cancer-free since 2016. I still do follow-up care, but I’m here, and I don’t take that for granted.
Q: How has reconnecting shaped your identity?
I felt like something was missing before. Knowing my biological family has helped me understand myself more fully. I feel more whole.
Now I say I have four parents and four extended families. I just feel lucky that this has worked out and the family has been, you know, extremely nice to me and welcoming to my husband and kids.
Q: Why is staying connected to Brightpoint important to you today?
I’ve been a volunteer with the United Way for a number of years. In January 2021, I was interested in being on a nonprofit board and looked at the United Way Volunteer Center, on their website, and Children’s Home and Aid was seeking out board members for its Southern region advisory board.
And I thought, what a great connection.
The work is essential. Children need safe, loving environments, and families need support to thrive. Adoption is just one part of the mission. But all the other services that they provide are important for keeping families together and providing the support that parents need, that kids need to strive and be successful. And so I feel blessed just to be able to help.