Editor’s note: This guest essay is written by Tyler Lewis, director of development for Brightpoint. We’re grateful for Tyler sharing his powerful story for National Foster Care Month.
The first time I saw Tom, I was at the Department of Child Protective Services. He was sitting in a chair across from me leaning against a box of toys. He was wearing all white with a red bow tie. Tom and his bow tie immediately caught my five-year-old eye as the state worker guided me by my small hand to the empty chair in the hallway across from him.
I looked around trying to make sense of my surroundings, while constantly looking back toward Tom to make sure he was still there. The louder it got, the more I looked at Tom. The more the adults loomed over me, rushing up and down the hallway, the more I wanted to reach out and grab Tom’s hand.
Well, not so much his hand as his paw. He wouldn’t officially be Tom until I gave him that name, but as soon as I saw him, he was officially my teddy bear.
I was born in Detroit and from the ages of 5 through 8 grew up across the state in 15 different foster homes, sometimes with my older sister and/or younger brother, and sometimes just with Tom. The day that I met Tom was the day we were taken from our single mother who was raising us on her own while navigating poverty, abusive relationships and a crippling drug addiction. Without connection to family or community, she couldn’t provide the stable, protective family we so desperately needed.
May is National Foster Care Month, and as I reflect on the meaning of this month, I am reminded that foster care can be two things at once. For children and their families, foster care can be the heartbreaking outcome of a lack of support or access to equitable opportunities that allow a family to thrive.
However, if there are people (or teddy bears) who are willing to walk alongside children and parents in need, foster care can also be a second chance for families to connect, reflect on their needs, and whenever possible, reunite.
Five-year-old me thought that a teddy bear was the reason I made it through some difficult days. Forty-something me knows that having that source of comfort allowed me to be open to help from adults in my life.
Adults like the foster mom who spent painfully long hours teaching me how to read and would make me a prince’s crown out of an old milk jug and tin foil even when I couldn’t fully read the Berenstein Bears. The foster father who took me hunting (letting me believe that he was just playing “tag” with the deer) and taught me how to sit in the quiet and enjoy the moment. Or the hero foster mom who stayed up late every night for a week to hand sew a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume for me (Donatello, obviously) and drove two hours each way to bring it to me before Halloween after we were moved to a new home at the last minute.
National Foster Care Awareness Month was first recognized in 1988 as a challenge to see the community beyond our own families. This year’s theme – “Engaging Youth. Building Supports. Strengthening Opportunities” – is focused on supporting young people in foster care as they approach adulthood, per the federal Children’s Bureau.
Nationally, there are more than 350,000 young people in foster care. In Illinois, Brightpoint provides an array of preventative services to keep families together. And when that’s not possible, we provide foster care case management and other support for foster parents to help children thrive.
We don’t do this work alone. It’s made possible by foster parents, volunteers, or donors to our many child and family support programs like our crisis nurseries, caregiver support, early childhood education, and mental health and wellness among others.
My own foster care experience was defined by the support and compassion of others.
What started with a teddy bear named Tom was carried on by the generous people who showed up for me and my family when we couldn’t find our way alone.
This National Foster Care Month, I invite you to be the Tom in someone’s life by being a comforting refuge. To be the trusted adult who offers stability and mentorship to a child in need. Most importantly, to be a champion for the 37,000 children and families that Brightpoint supports each year in any way that you can.
With Tom at my side, foster care came to represent all the people who showed me kindness, while also teaching me how to be resilient. And on my worst day, I began to feel hope for better days to come.
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Brightpoint’s in need of kind and compassionate foster caregivers. If you’re interested in becoming a foster caregiver, or just want to learn more, please email fosterinquiry@brightpoint.org